Don't Look Back
by TerminalMadness83
Summary: Eighteen Months Later...
1. Forethought

_How I would have ended the series._


	2. Chapter One: Little Runaway

** DON'T LOOK BACK:**

**MY SERIES FINALE**

_Written by Felix Vasquez Jr._

**EIGHTEEN MONTHS LATER…**

"Ugh," JJ declared with an exhausted sigh, dropping in to bed beside Beth, "John is finally asleep."

"Thank you for putting him to bed," Beth said, "I'm still getting over my flu."

"Don't worry," JJ replied pulling the covers over him. He shut off the lamp and lay beside her turning to her with a groan. They'd finally moved in to the home they saved strenuously for. It wasn't a big house, but it was big enough for their small family, and in spite of the problems they'd experienced upon moving in, they were considerably happy. JJ was now working at NASA mostly full time with a decent wage, as Beth did at home work, and took care of their son.

They lived a bit far away from Jack and Helen, which was far enough to give them distance from them, but close enough to pay them a visit when they wanted. Often times it was just the three of them, and they didn't mind it, especially since their household was considerably dimmer since Meg left.

"Your dad called," Beth said.

"What for?" he asked.

"He kept asking when we're bringing John to see them," she explained.

"We went there last week," JJ argued.

"I know," Beth replied, "But to your mom that's a life time."

"It's too depressing over there," JJ scoffed.

"Distract yourself like your dad does," she suggested.

"He's doing that, now that Henry's name is on the store," JJ declared, "He's always getting complaints from the customers."

"Well, whatever you do, keep your mom from talking about--"

"—I know the routine," JJ replied. He sighed.

"Good night," he replied kissing her.

"Good night." She turned over on her side looking out to the window and slowly dozed off. In a dark bus terminal, a creaky old bus screeched up to the front of the doors with the engine blaring loudly as tired passengers staggered off out the doors walking along the terminal. A young girl stepped off the bus as the driver walked over to the bottom of the bus opening the hatch and began handing the passengers their bags. He grabbed a small suitcase and handed it to the girl who grabbed it reluctantly and walked in to the terminal.

A ringing emerged from the downstairs kitchen phone endlessly as Beth stumbled from the bedroom in her robe quickly slipping it on and rushed down the steps. She looked at the wall clock noticing it was 3am and groaned in disgust staggering in to the kitchen. She tore the phone from the receiver and mumbled, "Hello?" There was a long silence as her weary eyes grew large and white as pearls, her mouth wide in disbelief as she sighed in surprise, "Hold on." She looked over to the stairwell as JJ staggered down looking over to her curiously, wiping his eyes.

"Who is it?" he muttered.

"You should take this," she muttered in surprise.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"JJ," she insisted holding the phone to him. He furrowed his brow growing concerned and grabbed the phone standing against the wall, "Hello?" There was a silence as he listened for a reply,

"JJ?" a voice said meekly over the phone.

"Who is this?" he asked.

"JJ," the voice replied, with a break, "It's ** _me_**...Meg." He gave a slight gasp looking over to Beth who stood looking to him anxiously with her arms crossed as he wiped his eyes clearing his throat, "Meg," JJ said in surprise.

"Yes," she replied, "I—I found your name in the phone book and--"

"—what do you want?" he asked confused.

"I, uh," she hesitated, standing in a phone booth in the terminal looking around at the scattered passengers, and crossed her arms, "I'm at a—a bus terminal."

"A bus terminal?" asked JJ, "What bus terminal?"

"I'm in Philadelphia," she confessed with a whimper. He sighed closing his eyes and looked over at Beth who shrugged curiously.

"How long have you been here?" he asked.

"I just got in an hour ago," she scoffed, "I spent twenty minutes standing in this booth wondering if I should call you."

"What do you want from me, Meg?" he blurted.

"I need help," she pleaded giving a loud whimper.

"Where's your boyfriend?" he asked.

"He's dead," she whimpered, "He was killed last month. I—I ran out of money, and I had nowhere else to go. Please, JJ…"

"--How did he die?" asked JJ.

"He was in a raid with a group he belonged to," she explained, "And he was caught, and tried to resist. The police told me that he had a lead pipe in his hand and one of the guards thought he had a gun and they shot him… I just…" She whimpered, "Please."

"Why me?" he asked. John began crying in the distance as Beth sighed rushing up the steps. He turned lowering his voice, "What do you want, money?" he asked.

"No," she replied.

"Are you doing--?"

"—Of course not," she argued, "You know me."

"Yeah, Meg…I **_thought_** I did," he replied.

"Please, JJ," she pleaded, "I don't expect you to help me. But I'm begging you, JJ. I'm lost, I have no place to go. I couldn't call mom and dad, because I know they would never help me."

"You don't know that," JJ argued.

"I can't face them," she admitted.

"What is it you want, Meg?" asked JJ growing annoyed.

"Can you come and get me?" she pleaded. He lowered the phone giving a heavy sigh and rubbed his eyes nodding. He raised the phone to his ears and sighed, "Where are you?" he asked. Beth had finished putting John back to sleep and walked in to the kitchen as JJ hung up the phone and walked past her up the steps.

"That was really Meg?" asked Beth.

"Yes," he replied.

"How did she get our number?" asked Beth.

"The book," JJ replied.

"What did she want?" Beth asked.

"She wants me to," he hesitated, "She wants--"

"You're going to get her?" Beth asked angrily.

"Yes," he admitted.

"She's in Philadelphia?" she asked.

"She just got in to town about an hour ago," replied JJ. He began putting on his shoes. "She disappears for a year and a half and now she wants you to stop what you're doing to pick her up in the middle of the night!" Beth griped.

"Can you keep it down, please?" asked JJ.

"I don't want her in my house," Beth demanded.

"I have to get her, Beth," JJ replied, "She could get hurt, or maybe worse."

"You're not bringing her here, JJ," Beth argued, "We don't need these problems, we have enough going on here--"

"--I know."

"I don't want her here," she insisted.

"Look, I don't either," JJ replied, "But damn it, Beth. She's still my sister. I have to do this."

"You don't have to do anything. She didn't care enough about either of you to pick up a phone and let you know she's okay," Beth argued, "But you're going to disrupt what you're doing and go to pick her up in the middle of the night, in god knows where? Jesus, JJ."

"She's my sister," he insisted, "I have to do this. I'm not doing this for her. I couldn't live with myself if I ignored her and she ended up dead in alley somewhere. I'm doing this for my parents, okay?" He grabbed his keys and walked off as Beth groaned angrily following him down the steps, "When will you be back?" she asked.

"I'll be a half hour at the most," he replied putting on his jacket, "And whatever you do, don't tell my parents."

"Okay," Beth replied.

"Or Patty or even Will," he continued.

"I know," she replied.

"I'll be back," he assured her reluctantly walking out the door, "Can you go back to sleep?" Beth nodded. "I'll make sure everything turns out okay. Just trust me." Beth sighed storming off as JJ walked to his car. He held the handle of the door and thought for a second and opened it driving off. He pulled up to the front of the dark terminal looking around for Meg and noticed she wasn't in the front. He walked in to the terminal looking around at the passengers and passersby and saw a curled up ball in the corner on a bench and saw Meg's hair peeking from a thick green army coat. He sighed walking over to her and stood over her. She slept along the bench, her hair stringier and darker, her face weathered, and her clothes noticeably ratty as she lay fast asleep.

He nudged her softly, afraid to wake her and called out to her, "Meg," he muttered. She gasped and looked up at him in surprise sitting up. She gave a faint smile and attempted to hug him as he pulled back patting her shoulders, "I didn't think you would really come," she declared relieved, stepping back.

"Yeah," he replied at a loss.

"You look so different," she declared, "You're bigger."

"What about you?" he asked, "What's with your clothes?"

"Oh," she said looking down at her shirt, "They're not mine. I just borrowed them from a roommate." Her smile quickly faded as she couldn't bear to make eye contact with him and sat down.

"What are you doing back in town?" he asked with a sigh.

"I was homeless," she admitted looking down, "I had no place to go, no friends to help me. I just… I know it wasn't right of me to call you out of the blue like this, and I know we have a lot to talk about--"

"—Are you hungry?" he asked putting his hands to his sides. She shrugged looking away. "Come on," JJ said holding her suitcase, "There's a café up the street, I'll buy you breakfast." She stood up walking beside him as they left the dark bus terminal behind them without a word between them. They sat in the booth of the empty café across from each other.

JJ sat sipping a cup of coffee as Meg tore through eggs and bacon, and pancakes endlessly, obviously starved as he gazed off silently. She pushed her plate aside and sighed wiping her lips as JJ took a sip from his coffee. There was a silence between them for nearly an hour as Meg looked over him reluctantly.

"Where did you live?" he asked.

"Minnesota," she replied, "In a small house."

"Where are you going now?" he asked.

"I--," she hesitated, "I don't know."

"You're asking if you can stay with me," he deduced, "Right?"

"I know you're mad at me," she admitted.

"Really?" he asked with a scoff.

"You don't know how sorry I am--"

"—Fine," JJ sighed, "It's getting late. Let's go." He stood up dropping money on the table as she turned walking up ahead of him and walked outside to his car.

"JJ, can you at least talk to me?" she asked, "Just yell at me or something."

"It's too late for that," he admitted, "Besides, what you're about to go through is punishment enough. Get in the car." He started up the motor as she sat in beside him closing the door and held her head low as they drove off.

They pulled in to the driveway of his small house painted in red, the mailbox out at the curb, as JJ saw Beth looking by the window and looked away. She closed the curtains grumbling angrily and stood in the living room as she heard JJ and Meg walk up to the side door. He walked in front looking over to Beth sadly. Beth drew a gasp at Meg's appearance as Meg walked in timidly, her eyes pulled away from her as she turned her back standing by the stairs. "Sit at the table," he told Meg, "I'll be back." He walked over to Beth pulling her to the foot of the basement steps, "Why is she here?" asked Beth.

"She's homeless," JJ argued.

"I know," Beth replied with a cold scoff, "You really think anyone expected her to make it on her own at that age?"

"Can you stop, already?" he asked.

"No," she whispered, "You brought her here knowing what she did to you and your family? You know how your parents will react if they see her?"

"I'm willing to face them," he insisted.

"I'm not putting her up," Beth argued.

"We have to," JJ insisted.

"Where is she going to stay?" asked Beth.

"The couch and we'll figure out what to do later on," replied JJ.

"Fine," Beth replied, "You do this. I'm not taking any responsibility for her."

"Okay," JJ replied. They walked to the doorway of the kitchen looking over to Meg who sat in the corner with her head held low.

"We'll put you on the couch," JJ said, "We'll set something up in the morning."

"Okay," she replied.

"The extra sheets are in the closet," Beth said to JJ. She coldly looked over to Meg, "I'm going back to bed." She walked off as JJ turned grabbing sheets from the linen closet and began preparing the couch. Meg sat on the love seat and sighed exhausted as JJ stood up dropping a pillow at the foot of the couch.

"Beautiful house," Meg said looking over at the fireplace decorated with pictures and figurines, their thick red rug on the floor.

"It's alright," JJ replied softly.

"When did you move in?" she asked.

"You'll sleep here for a couple of days and we'll set up something when I can, okay?" he asked.

"I know I don't deserve this," Meg confessed, "But—thank you for helping me."

"You can take a shower in the bathroom downstairs," he instructed ignoring her declaration, "I'll see you in the morning."

She took off her coat and staggered to the couch dropping down and sighed turning over, "Good night," she replied meekly as he walked up to his room. She turned on her side and quickly fell asleep as JJ sat at the edge of his bed taking off his shoes. Beth lay awake looking over to him and turned as he lay beside her.

"You don't owe her anything," Beth declared.

"I know," he replied.

"You couldn't have stopped her," Beth explained, "No matter what you did… she would have run away the first chance she got."

"I could have done more," JJ confessed.

"You did enough," Beth replied, "She made the decision."

"Can we just go to sleep?" JJ asked.

"Okay," she sighed draping the covers over her head. Meg woke that afternoon with a loud clatter of dishes banging in the distance, the radio blaring "Tambourine Man" at the kitchen counter. She turned tearing the sheets off her, covering her face from strong sunlight emanating through the window and slowly sat up as Beth washed the dishes looking over at John who sat in his high chair. JJ walked down the steps standing in front of the hall mirror fixing his tie. Meg sat up and looked over at him as he glanced at her with a faint smile.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Twelve," he replied, "I'm just stepping out." He walked in to the kitchen serving himself a cup of coffee. "You're not leaving me here with her," Beth whispered.

"I'll only be a couple of hours," JJ replied.

"I don't want to be here alone--"

"—Then take John shopping or something," JJ argued.

"I will," Beth replied.

"You don't have to talk to her," JJ assured her, "Just don't fight with her."

"I won't," replied Beth, "But I can't vouch for your parents."

"Don't tell them, yet," JJ replied.

"I promise," she replied, "I have errands to run anyway." He put on his coat and walked in to the living room, "Stay inside," he instructed, "No one knows you're here, and word spreads."

"Okay," she replied.

"Beth has errands to run, so you can either watch TV, or sleep," he instructed walking off. "Be nice," JJ whispered kissing her as he walked out the door.

There was a long strong silence as JJ walked in to his car and drove off down the street. Beth shut the radio off and grabbed John from his chair carrying him off, "There's a plate for you," she announced coldly, "Get to it while it's still hot."

"Thank you," she replied looking back at her.

"Just so you know where we stand," she declared, "I'm only talking to you because JJ asked me to."

"I know," Meg replied.

"I'll be in town all day running errands," she explained, "Don't steal anything." She stormed off up the steps. Meg sighed walking to the television and clicked it on and sat back down on the couch looking back silently as Beth and John rushed out the front door to the car.

"Well, it's a little extra with a remote now, but it's worth the price," Jack declared standing in front of a large brown television along the floor, "It's really worth the price, we just got one at home." Beth walked in to the store, now expanded slightly and doing good business after Meg's commercial in spite of the fact that it was now half owned by Henry who also shared the store's title with Jack. It was a very gutsy move on Jack's part, but it further solidified the friendship and partnership between Jack and Henry. That day business was slow, luckily, since Beth was paying a surprise visit, an impulse that became testy especially since she'd sworn to JJ she wouldn't tell.

Jack gave a smile pulling the customer aside as they continued looking and walked over to them, "What are you doing here?" Jack asked with a smile.

"I was just running errands," explained Beth, "And I thought John would want to see his grandpa."

"Oh," he groaned, "Grandpa. I'm still getting used to that word."

"Oh, what else will he call you?" she joked holding him up.

"Hey," he chuckled holding him up, "Is he walking yet?"

"A little," Beth shrugged, "JJ's worried, but I keep telling him children learn at their own speed."

"Alright, now," Jack said in mock orders, "You're going to learn to walk right now, understand?" He set John down on the floor and stood back as John looked over at Beth and attempted to stand up falling down on his bottom.

"See?" Beth laughed.

"Okay, okay," Jack laughed picking him up, "No rush, now." He smiled cradling him, "Why don't you take him to Helen?" he asked, "She's dying to see him."

"I was just headed over there," Beth replied, "How is she?"

"She has her good days and bad days," he explained, "But she's good today."

"Maybe I'll stop off for lunch first," she declared nervously.

"Oh, come on," Jack insisted, "Its okay. Just distract her. This guy here will do the trick just fine."

"Okay," Beth sighed, "Let's go, John."

"In the market for a new radio?" asked Jack.

"You ask me that every time I come in here," Beth smiled, "We have one at home. Thanks."

"Force of habit," Jack chuckled, "Take care."

"Will, can you please turn the television down?" Helen asked washing dishes.

"I can't hear it," Will complained.

"Sit closer to it to then," she declared. He lay on the floor in front of the television watching cartoons as Beth's car pulled up to the driveway. "Oh!" she gave a gasp hearing the car pull up. She dropped her rag on the sink and rushed outside. Patty emerged from the stairs looking to the door as Helen grabbed John kissing him.

"I didn't know Beth was coming today," she said.

"Me either," replied Will.

"It's my turn to watch, now," Patty declared.

"Not until one," Will argued, "Mom said."

"Well, the rule is changed," she declared changing the channel.

"Hey!" Will yelled shoving her.

"Stop the fighting for once," Helen announced coming in through the door, "Patty wait until your turn."

"Fine," she pouted dropping on the couch with her arms crossed.

"Hey, guys," Beth declared.

"Hi," they greeted.

"That's it?" asked Beth.

"Come say hi the proper way," Helen ordered, "Come on." They huffed stumbling over to Beth hugging her and looked over at John who was being coddled in Helen's arms.

"How's JJ?" asked Patty.

"Same old," Beth replied, "He's at work today."

"I miss him," replied Will.

"Oh, he misses you two," Beth assured him, "He was asking for you last night."

"Are you still driving that wreck?" asked Helen.

"I can't really afford a new one just yet," replied Beth, "And JJ needs the other good car for work."

"You haven't been around in two weeks," Patty complained.

"Patty!" Helen gasped.

"That's okay," Beth smirked, "I'm sorry about that, guys. I've just been really busy lately. Last night I didn't get much sleep."

"Does Jack know you're around?" asked Helen.

"I went to see him first," replied Beth.

"He must have been happy," Helen declared.

"Ecstatic," she replied.

"My turn now," Patty said changing the channel.

"Remember what I told you," Helen warned them.

"I know," Patty groaned, "Anything but Bandstand."

"Why don't you stay for dinner?" asked Helen.

"Oh, I can't," replied Beth, "I promised I'd make JJ's favorite dinner tonight, and I have some more—**_errands_** to run."

"Oh," Helen said disappointed.

"But I'll stay a good while before I have to go," she assured her. Meg sat on the couch watching television for hours, but though the television was on, she was still deep in her thoughts. She watched Bandstand with a slight tear in her eyes as she sighed finally comfortable, but appreciating the silence before everything started up again.

She drew a gasp looking in to the crowd watching Roxanne who was in the crowd watching the performer. She gave a smile of surprise and stirred as a car pulled up to the driveway. She quickly shut the television off and sat down at the couch again rumbling in fear as JJ walked in through the door. She was relieved to see him as he staggered in taking off his coat.

"Hi," she said.

"You finally took a shower," JJ observed.

"Yes," she replied.

"Beth isn't home yet?" he asked.

"No," she replied, "She went to run errands or something."

"What did you do all day?" he asked sitting across from her with an exhausted sigh. "Just watching TV," she replied, "And… thinking."

"So have I," he admitted taking off his tie.

"This is really a great house you have, I'm happy you got your wish," she explained, "I was just looking at your pictures and you've changed a lot."

"We **_all_** have," he replied.

"How's… mom and dad?" she asked.

"They're good," he replied, "Patty is starting high school next year, and Will is playing football now… or trying."

"Can we talk?" she asked.

"**_I_** can," he replied.

"About what I did that night," she explained, "I was--"

"—confused, lost, sad, angry, what?" he asked. She sighed looking away.

"It's just," she explained, "Things were so--"

"--Did you honestly think things would stay exactly the same when you left?" he asked, "Did you really think we would stop what we were doing?"

"No," she replied.

"Well, good," he replied, "Because it didn't."

"I'm trying to apologize," she argued.

"I'm not ready to hear it just yet," he replied, "Do you know I actually blamed myself? Do you know I almost completely forgot about Beth and John? All because of you? See, the truth is, Meg… I still love you, but I don't pity you. I have problems of my own. I have a mortgage, work is hard, John is two now, and Beth is busy, and now you come along and expect us to stop what we're doing to help you."

"I know that," she replied, "And I'm sorry--"

"—No--"

"—I am," she insisted.

"No, you're not," he replied, "Let me ask you something… if Chris wouldn't have died… would you have ever come back?" She looked down as there was a long silence between them, "Exactly," he replied, "So save your apologies. Life goes on, Meg. With or without you. And we did, too. It's good Chris died, because if I would have gotten to him--" He sighed storming off. Beth's car pulled up to the driveway as Meg leaned back in anticipation.

"Hello, I'm home," she announced.

"You're back late," he replied grabbing John.

"I was over by—you know," she replied, "And I stopped by for groceries. I'll start right away. This one needs a nap."

"I'll get on it," he replied walking off. Beth looked over at Meg coldly and began preparing. "You might as well help out with dinner," she announced.

"You don't mind?" she asked.

"I do," replied Beth, "But I need help here." She stood up walking to the kitchen and began grabbing plates as Beth didn't draw a word from her.

"I like your house," Meg said in an attempt to break the ice.

"It's okay," replied Beth, "It's not much, but we're grateful."

"Where did you go today?" asked Meg.

"Visited your folks," replied Beth.

"Really?" she asked surprised, "How—how are they?"

"How do you **_think_**?" asked Beth, "'But, being the type of people we are, we visit them every week. We're never too busy."

"Okay, Beth," Meg sighed, "I get it, okay? Loud and clear."

"Good," she replied.

"I deserve it," Meg admitted.

"You do," replied Beth.

"But you're not going to let me tell my story are you?" she asked.

"No way," she declared, "You have no excuse."

"I'm not looking for excuses," Meg insisted.

"Then what do you want to tell me?" she asked, "Because I've heard it all. And I won't buy anything you'll say to me. " She looked over by the stairwell and grabbed Meg by the arm, "Let's talk." She pulled her leading her out the door in to the garage.

"Sit," Beth ordered.

"Why are we in here?" asked Meg sitting down.

"JJ is putting John to sleep," she replied, "I'll be honest with you, Meg. I don't want you here."

"I know," she replied.

"A year and a half you were gone, and we've had to do a lot of healing," she explained, "And eventually, we moved on and decided you weren't coming back, and now after we went on with our lives you come back in."

"I'm not trying to cause any problems," Meg assured her.

"Well, that's too late, now," Beth replied, "It's too late for sorry's."

"I'm trying here," she insisted, "I know I deserve what you give me, but I'm trying to make up for what I did."

"You can't make up for what you did in only a couple of days, Meg," Beth insisted, "God, who told you it takes a simple "I'm sorry", and just like that," she snapped her finger, "It's all better? That's not how life works. I had to sit up nights with JJ because he blamed himself for you leaving, I had to watch your mother cry and sink in to sadness, while your father acts like nothing happened, I had to tell your brother that his sister only went away for a little while."

"I know I caused a lot of heart ache," she replied.

"You did," replied Beth, "Truth is, you're selfish, self-centered and your family didn't deserve what you did to them. JJ may forgive you, and maybe your parents, but as far as I'm concerned, you're no friend of mine."

"Just because I made a mistake doesn't mean I should be treated like an animal," Meg argued.

"An animal sleeps outside," Beth replied, "Be glad I'm even letting you in to my house. If it were up to me, I'd turn you over to your parents, but I have a crazy idea that I love JJ, and I'm willing to tolerate you for a while if it will make him happy."

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked, "Is that it?"

"Yes," replied Beth, "But JJ wants you here, so I won't throw you out."

"Then I'll stay out of your way," Meg assured her, "You don't have to worry."

"Good," she replied, "But sooner or later you're going to have to confront your parents. This is a small town, and people talk." She walked off back to the kitchen as JJ sat at the table. The Pryor's gathered around dinner that evening; Patty and Thrill were arguing as they set the plates on the table. Helen and Jack talked among each other as the television blared in the living room.

"Patty put some vegetables on your plate," Helen ordered.

"Will sit down and eat," Jack ordered.

"The television is still on," Helen reminded.

"I know, I'm looking for the weather on the news," Jack replied.

"Jack, we're just sitting down to dinner," Helen pleaded.

"Alright, I'll shut it off," Jack replied walking in to the living room. He leaned down to shut it off but stopped suddenly standing up as a mid-news report about an investigation to a lab continued. He sat down watching, "And the investigation has continued for a month and a half about the raid which led to the shooting deaths of five of the protestors including Chris Pierce, an activist with a spotty criminal record for vandalism and arson. The remaining suspects have all been questioned and retained as well as their family." He gave a sigh looking by the screen with a small sigh of shock and stood up turning off the television.

He was speechless looking down at the blank screen and turned to see Helen who was standing behind him looking down with a whimper.

"Helen…!" he said with a whisper.

"Chris is dead?" she asked with a quiver in her voice.

"Yeah," he replied.

"What about… what about Meg?" she asked with a slight whimper.

"I don't know," replied Jack.

"Please, Jack," she whimpered, "Please don't tell me she was with them."

"I'm not sure," Jack replied.

"Oh my god," she whimpered, "Meg is dead."

"We don't know that Helen," Jack assured her.

"I have to—I have to go lie down," she replied rushing off. Patty and Will sat at the table wide-eyed and confused. "What's wrong?" asked Patty.

"Just, uh," Jack said struggling to speak, "Just eat. I'll be back." JJ sat on his chair watching television in the den, as Meg lay in the living room fast asleep. That night, they'd sat to dinner with the most uneasy hour they've ever experienced. Meg sat to dinner with them and barely a word was spoken. JJ knew about Beth's confronting Meg, and didn't say a word to her that night.

The next morning, they were still unaware of the news that Jack and Helen had received over the television. Helen had cried herself to sleep that night as Patty and Will saw themselves off to bed. JJ awoke that morning to silence as Meg slept and saw Beth in the kitchen finishing breakfast, "How are things between you two?" asked JJ.

"The same," she replied.

"I heard you two arguing last night," he confessed.

"I'm sorry," she replied, "I just couldn't hold it in anymore."

"It's okay," he replied, "Thanks for not yelling at her."

"I didn't yell at her because John was asleep," she replied with a half smirk.

"Well, either way, thanks for this favor," he replied kissing her hand.

"Yeah, well, I love you and all that," she joked.

"Where's John?" he asked with a smile.

"In his pen by Meg," she replied, "He'll be fine."

"I have to go to dad's store today to pick up another television," he explained.

"Do we really need another television?" she asked.

"I've had that one since we moved in, it's broken," he replied. He sighed and stood up, "I'm not hungry," he declared, "I'm going to get dressed."

"Okay," she replied walking to the sink.

John sat in his pen crawling back and forth and shook his rattle watching Beth walk to their room as she and JJ talked in the distance. He pulled himself up looking over by Meg and shook his rattle again falling back on to his bottom crying out with a squeal. Meg stirred in her sheets and looked over at him as he cried and sat up looking for Beth, "Beth?" she asked sitting up. She stood up and walked over to the pen as John cried. "What's the matter?" she whispered, "You're lonely?" She grabbed him slowly from the pen as he cried and slowly stopped looking up at her curiously. "How old are you?" she asked holding him in front of her.

"Was he crying?" asked Beth walking down the stairs.

"Yes, I saw him in the pen," Meg replied surprised holding him, "I think he was lonely. Sorry, I didn't--"

"—It's okay, I know," replied Beth, "He doesn't like to be without company. John, meet Meg."

"I think he needs changing," Meg replied cringing.

"Okay," she replied, "I have time before I--"

"—Can I do it?" she asked cradling him, "Please?" Beth thought for a second with a grimace and nodded, "Okay," she replied, "His room is right by ours."

"Okay," she replied with a half smile, "Thank you."

"You know how to change him?" she asked.

"I did it for Thrill a couple of times," Meg replied. She walked off talking to John holding him in her arms. JJ walked by her in the stairs in slight surprise and looked over by Beth who watched with her grimace. "Wow," JJ exclaimed, "You actually let her hold him."

"He wanted to be with her," Beth replied, "Just because I don't like her, doesn't mean he can't. Besides, they need to get to know each other."

"You're great," he said kissing her.

"I still don't like her, but," she patted her sides, "But baby steps."


	3. Chapter Two: You Can't Go Home

Meg stumbled in to the room clicking the light on and stared in awe at the large baby room filled with toys and his crib, blue everywhere. "Alright," Meg whispered laying him down on the changing table, "You're smelly. Very smelly." She sighed unhooking his diaper, "Oh--!" She winced pulling her face away in disgust and tossed the diaper in to the bin, holding her nose. "You smell worse than I did," she joked. She wiped his bottom as he looked up at her quietly. She began putting on his diaper and gave a sigh of relief stroking his hair, "That wasn't so bad," she whispered, "John." She grabbed him by the waist and sat him in front of her looking in his eyes sadly. "I'm sorry I don't know you," she whispered, "I want to be around more. I'm going to try… okay? I don't know what's going to happen. Your grandma and grandpa might not take me back home. But I promise I'll try to stay here to see you grow. Don't ever be like me when you grow up."

"Meg, can you bring John down?" Beth called from the distance.

"Let's go, kid," Meg whispered holding him in her arms. Meg emerged in the kitchen with him in her arms as Beth took him, "Thanks," she replied.

"Is he always that still when you change him?" asked Meg.

"No," she replied with hesitation, "He only does that to--" she looked over to Meg saddened, "—well, to people he doesn't really know."

"Oh," replied Meg sadly.

"Sorry," Beth shrugged walking off.

"See you later, Meg," JJ waved walking off. They walked out together to the driveway as JJ gave a look of discontent. "Why did you do that?" asked JJ.

"I didn't do anything," Beth argued.

"Telling her he doesn't know her?" asked JJ, "That's not true."

"It **_is_** true," Beth replied.

"You didn't have to tell her like that," JJ replied.

"Don't worry about," Beth insisted, "It will give her something to think about."

"I'll see you later," JJ sighed.

"I probably won't be home until later if you get home before I do," Beth warned.

"Okay," he replied pulling out of the driveway, "Bye, John." JJ drove through the city that day still pretty angry at Beth's insistence on mental games with Meg, and placed it in the back of his mind as "Under my Thumb" blared on his car radio that afternoon. As he drove up to the front of the store, he could see Henry tending to customer's in the store and furrowed a brow as he stepped out from his car walking inside. Henry looked over at JJ with a faint smile and walked over shaking his hand, "Hi, JJ," he said.

"Hey, Henry."

"How's the son?" he asked.

"He's alright," JJ replied, "I came for the television--"

"—Right," he nodded, "It's back there, but I should talk to you about something."

"Where's my dad?" asked JJ.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Henry explained.

"Wha—is he alright?" asked JJ.

"He's just fine," Henry assured him pulling him aside, "He came to work three hours ago, but he's been in the stock room sitting there in the dark ever since."

"What's wrong with him?" asked JJ.

"I don't know," he replied, "He told me something about the news, and he just keeps staring off. Maybe you can snap him out of it."

JJ sighed nodding silently, "I'll try," he replied, "Thanks, Henry." JJ walked through the store as Henry went back to the customers. He stepped in to the stock room and looked over by the boxes as Jack sat in the dark silently.

"Dad?" JJ asked, "Is that you?"

"Yeah," he replied surprised, "Hi."

"What are you doing here in the dark?" he asked.

"Nothing," replied Jack, "Just…"

"What's wrong?" asked JJ, "Did you and mom have a fight or something?"

"No," he replied, "JJ, maybe you should sit down."

JJ furrowed his brows confused and sat down next to him patting his back, "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I was--" he sighed, "--I was watching the news last night, and they said Chris was killed last month." JJ gave a slight gasp growing wide-eyed as Jack continued, "And your mom… she… I think Meg is dead." JJ became speechless lowering his head and sighed, "Oh… dad… I…"

"It's not definite," he replied teary eyed, "But, I just know… I…"

"Dad," JJ said, "I think there's something you should know."

"What?" he asked giving a heavy sigh.

"It's about Meg," JJ declared.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"She's not dead," he replied.

"Wha—what?" Jack asked confused, "How do you know? Did she call you?"

"Yeah," JJ replied with a nod.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, "Are you sure it was her?"

"Dad, Meg is home," JJ replied. Jack was still confused looking over at him wide-eyed and struggled to speak, "Home?" he asked, "What do you--?"

"She's at my house," JJ replied.

"Explain," Jack blurted.

"Last week, I received a call in the middle of the night from Meg," he explained, "She was calling from a bus station. I picked her up and she's been living with us ever since." JJ sighed nodding.

"No," Jack said with a gasp.

"Yes," JJ replied ashamed. Jack darted from the floor rushing up from the room as JJ followed confused. "Henry, can you watch the store for me while I'm gone?" Jack asked.

"Sure," he replied confused.

"Dad?" JJ asked running after him as they ran out of the store, "Dad, stop!"

"Take me to see her," Jack ordered.

"What?" asked JJ.

"Take me," Jack ordered.

"Dad--"

"—Now, JJ!" Jack yelled. JJ shrugged silently and rushed over to driver's seat as Jack sat in the car angrily. JJ quickly started up the car and drove off as Jack sat looking to the window silently. JJ didn't bother to plea his case knowing they would argue, and kept driving until they reached the front of his house.

Before JJ could shut the car off, Jack walked out from the car and looked around anxiously. "Dad, wait," JJ said pulling him back, "Can you at least not storm through the door like a psycho?"

"Fine," Jack argued, "I want to see her for myself."

"Alright," JJ replied. He turned opening the door and walked in to through the door looking over at Meg who sat at the table and stood up confused. She gave a sharp gasp with the widest eyes as she saw Jack walk in through the door. There was a short silence between then as Meg stood still as stone, completely shocked as Jack stepped forward.

"Dad…?" Meg blurted softly.

"Meg?" he asked with slight relief.

"Dad… I can explain," she pleaded. Jack rushed to her grabbing her and gave her a hug as she whimpered putting her arms on his back, "You're alive…" he whispered kissing her on the head repeatedly. "I'm okay," she assured him in a whisper, "I'm okay." He held her in front of him with a slight gleam of relief and held her. JJ stood watching with a heavy sigh of relief as Meg let out a whimper.

"Where do you get off?" Jack yelled, "Huh!"

"Dad--," JJ replied.

"--dad, nothing!" Jack screamed, "Where the hell do you get off pulling something like this? Who do you think you are?"

Jack and JJ stood in the basement standing across each other as JJ nodded at Jack's ranting. "Dad, can you calm down?" JJ asked.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Jake ordered, "Do you know your mother was worried sick last night thinking she'd died, and you couldn't pick up a phone!" Meg sat in the kitchen listening to the arguing. Beth walked in holding John and heard the yelling below. Her eyes grew wide as Meg looked over to her.

"Is that--?"

"Yes," she replied.

"She couldn't talk to you," JJ argued.

"Why is that?" he asked.

"Because you disowned her," JJ insisted, "She was scared, so she called me. I'm sorry I didn't call you."

"You owe her nothing," Jack declared, "Do you hear me?"

"Yes, sir."

"You had no right, JJ," Jack insisted, "No right!" Jack and JJ's arguing became louder and louder, as Meg listened hanging her head down. Beth sat by her sipping tea as they heard them continue their shouting match for what seemed like an hour.

"Everyday," Meg muttered.

"What?" asked Beth.

"Everyday," Meg explained, "I'm going to regret what I did… everyday." Beth grabbed her hand much to Meg's disbelief, and held it with a slight nod as the yelling finally stopped below.

"She's looks so different," Jack declared.

"I know," replied JJ, "She **_is_** different."

"Can you tell me what she was like when you picked her up?" asked Jack.

"She was hungry, cold, and helpless," JJ admitted, "I didn't have to help her, but I did. I just did--"

"—What a good brother would do," Jack declared, "You're a good brother."

"I still can't forgive her," JJ admitted.

"She's a different person to me," Jack said, "I… I don't know what to do anymore, to be honest."

"How come you haven't yelled at her?" asked JJ.

"I want to," Jack confessed with a frown, "I do. A part of me is relieved and thankful she's alive, safe and sound, but… I'm afraid, JJ. I'm afraid if I start yelling, I won't be able to stop."

"She's trying," JJ admitted, "She's trying hard. She didn't call you because you disowned her. She just—I guess, thought you'd kick her out again."

"I'd never do that to any of my children," Jack argued, "I didn't kick her out, she left." Jack slumped down nodding. "What now?" asked JJ, "I'll keep her here longer if you want me to."

"No, no," Jack replied, "I'll… I'll take her home. Helen will be relieved."

"Okay," JJ nodded.

"She has a lot to answer for," Jack declared, "A lot to answer for."

"I know," JJ sighed.

"Mind if I borrow your car?" asked Jack, "I'll bring it back in the morning."

"Okay," JJ replied. Jack and JJ walked in to the kitchen emerging from the basement. Beth and Meg stood up curiously in anticipation as Jack looked over to Meg sadly.

"Hi, Jack," Beth said.

"Beth," Jack nodded. He looked over at Meg who stood in the corner wide eyed and a bit intimidated. He knew he couldn't lose her again.

"Let's go home," Jack declared.

"Okay," Meg replied, walking to the living room. They all stood out in the driveway in front of the car. Meg shoved her small suitcase in to the back seat as Jack stood in front of JJ and Beth.

"I really appreciate what you guys did," Jack admitted.

"It's okay," Beth replied.

"I'm sorry about the arguing," Jack said.

"It's okay, dad," JJ replied, "I know you didn't mean it." Jack gave JJ a hug patting his back and sat in the car as Meg walked over to them. "I know you don't feel the same about me as last time," Meg explained, "But **_I_** still love you."

"I love you too, Meg," JJ admitted, "You have a lot of work to do."

"I know," Meg nodded. Meg jumped in to his arms hugging him. JJ stood still unable to embrace her and pat her head as she held him, "I hope you'll forgive me someday," she whispered. She turned looking over at Beth who didn't draw a glance at her and walked off getting in the car.

They pulled out the driveway as Jack gave a wave and drove off. They sped down the freeway, not saying a word to one another. Meg was afraid to initiate the first word, and looked over at him as he stared ahead.

"How did you know I was there?" she asked softly.

"JJ told me," he replied.

"How did…?"

"Last night," Jack explained, "On the news, there was a report about Chris."

"Oh," she replied, "Can I explain…?"

"We'll talk when we get home," Jack declared.

"I regret doing what I did, dad," Meg admitted softly. Jack gave a nod still looking ahead, "Your mom will be happy to see you," Jack explained, "She thought you were dead."

"Can you at least look at me?" she pleaded.

"I can't, Meg," Jack admitted, "Not yet." She lowered her head with a sigh and looked away. They'd finally driven up to the driveway of the house and sat parked by the door. She couldn't bring herself to get out as she looked over by the door. Jack looked over at her and opened the door standing by the car. "Come on, Meg," Jack said with a nod. Meg walked out of the car and walked beside Jack who stepped in through the door.

Jack closed the door behind Meg and looked around for Helen. Meg couldn't believe how much the house had changed, yet still looked like the home she grew up in. Standing at the doorway, she couldn't help feel a sense of sadness at how much she'd missed. As the silence became deafening Jack walked in to the kitchen with Helen who took a look at Meg at the doorway and with a whimper of relief embraced her. As they looked in to each other's eyes, Meg could see Helen's face which was weathered, worn, and her eyes puffy from the obvious mourning she'd did that night, and then drew a tear crying in her arms as Patty and Will walked in much to their shock.

"You're okay," Helen cried hugging her tightly. She kissed her caressed her face as Meg cried, "Are you hungry or tired--?"

"—No," Meg whimpered, "I'm okay."

"Good," she whimpered hugging her. That night, as they hugged and kissed, and embraced each other, they were all finally able to settle down and talk. It was a tough dilemma attempting to create a catalyst for what they had to talk about with one another. But many long silences and cups of coffee later, Jack, Helen, and Meg sat in the living room talking endlessly airing their grievances and catching up. Helen wasn't as angry as Jack was, and was more concerned that she was home.

Meg could feel a deep sense of sadness looking at her mom who was in near emotional shambles at the prospect of her death, and apologized as much as she could. "We stayed in Minnesota, in a small bungalow by the woods," Meg explained that night, "We lived with five others in the house, and we would go to town for supplies and go to rallies together."

"Did you eat?" asked Helen.

"Yes," she replied, "We slept on the beds there, and every now and then we'd go in to the community. It wasn't that bad, but it was lonely, even with all those people there. When Chris died, I just—felt even more alone."

"Were you considering going with him that night?" asked Jack.

"Yes," she replied, "I almost did, but—there were too many people. About five others who went with him that night, and I stayed behind and slept. The next morning I was told by the police he and four of the others were shot and killed."

"Do you know what could have happened to you if you went along with them?" asked Jack.

"I do now," Meg replied, "Dad, I just—I shouldn't have gone away from either of you--"

"--so you're homeless?" Jack asked.

Meg nodded silently. "No, she's not," Helen argued, "She's staying here."

"Really?" Meg asked gladly.

"Of course," Helen nodded. That night, Jack and Helen prepared for bed and began getting ready to sleep as Helen sat at the edge of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" asked Jack.

"Much better now," Helen sighed, "I'm so thankful she's alive."

"Me too," Jack replied, "We have a lot to talk about with her."

"I know," she replied.

"She could have died," Jack declared.

"But she didn't," Helen argued sternly, "Okay?"

"She has a lot to answer for," Jack insisted.

"She's been apologizing since she walked in through the door," Helen said.

"Then how come you haven't forgiven her, yet?" asked Jack.

"I don't want to talk about this right now," Helen replied, "I just want to appreciate the fact that right now my oldest daughter is alive and well."

"Alright," Jack nodded sitting down.

"How did you find her?" asked Helen.

"JJ," Jack replied, "He found her."

"How?" she asked.

"He told me Meg called him one night and he held her up until we came to get her," Jack explained, "I was so mad at him for not telling us."

"It's good what he did," said Helen, "I don't think I could see her in that condition, cold, hungry, and tired. I would have fallen apart."

"She chose it for herself," Jack declared.

"That she did," Helen sighed lying down, "I just want to sleep. I'm at peace for the first time in nearly two years."

"I have to give JJ his car back in the morning," Jack said lying down beside her, "Good night." She patted his arm silently and dozed off as Jack lay on his side closing his eyes. He opened them again and lay on his back looking up, pondering uncertain that night as Helen slept. "Was it me?" Helen asked. Jack furrowed his brow and looked over at her as she looked up at him, "Do you think it was me?" she asked.

"You didn't do anything," replied Jack.

"Maybe I could have talked to her more," Helen explained, "Maybe… I could have heard her out."

"There was nothing you could have done," Jack assured her.

"I used to think we were close to one another," Helen said.

"We are," Jack declared, "Go to sleep, you're tired." He kissed her and turned on his side dozing off. That night it was peaceful in the Pryor house as Meg slept in the guest room. She was finally at rest, but that night, she couldn't sleep knowing what awaited her in the next day. She stood up and walked to the kitchen clicking the light on and went in to the fridge. She gave a gasp as she saw Will standing at the doorway. "Hi," Will said.

"It's late," Meg explained, "You should get back to bed."

"I couldn't sleep," he replied.

"Me either," she replied with a sigh, "I just came to get some water. What's your excuse?"

"Why did you leave?" Will asked suddenly. She gave a sigh nodding in discomfort and walked over to him as he sat at the table.

"Will, I was only gone for a little while--"

"—You don't have to lie," Will declared softly, "Patty told me you weren't coming back… is that true?"

"I don't know," she replied.

"What do you mean?" asked Will.

"I don't know if I would have come back or not," she explained, "I just felt like I had to leave. But it wasn't a good decision."

"How did you know?" asked Will.

"About a year in, things got bad," she explained, "And I was already thinking about coming back. It was a rotten thing what I did, Will. I hope you never do something that dumb."

"How can you tell what's a good decision and a bad one?" he asked.

"How others feel, you'll understand it when you get older," Meg explained, "What I did I'll regret for the rest of my life. And now I know I made a horrible decision. I just hope everyone forgives me."

"I forgive you," he confessed.

"Really?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeah," he replied, "You came back. I missed you."

"I missed you too, Thrill," she replied with a teary smile, "I'm so sorry." They hugged softly as Thrill gave a smile and walked off back to bed. She sat at the table wiping her eyes and walked back to bed as she finally managed to force herself to sleep that night. The fact that Will forgave her in spite of her misdeeds gave her some hope that she could make everything right again. She knew things would never be the same again, but she was willing to make it appear as such.

"I couldn't bear to store these away," Helen declared, rummaging through Meg's small dresser, "So I kept them."

"Thanks," Meg replied. Helen laid the clothes out on the bed as that morning they tried to get things together. Meg held the clothes up fondly and sat at her bed as Helen dug through her clothes.

"I only need one outfit, mom," Meg declared with a chuckle.

"Okay," she replied, "Well, get dressed."

"Yes, ma'am," she replied. She tore off her nightgown and began getting dressed. She gave a slight frown running her hands through her straight stringy hair as she put on her shoes.

Patty stood by the door watching her fix herself silently. Meg looked over at her giving a grimace and sighed, "Go ahead," Meg declared.

"Go ahead what?" asked Patty.

"Have your turn," Meg replied, "Everyone else has. I deserve it."

"I'm not saying anything," Patty replied.

"Look, Patty, I owe you an explanation," she explained, "And I know I owe you an apology, I just hope you can forgive me for what I did to you."

"Don't hurt mom again," Patty warned.

"I'm not planning on it," Meg assured her.

"I mean it," Patty said, "Mom nearly lost it when you left. So if you're just doing this so you can go and run away again, then leave."

"I'm not leaving," Meg argued, "I'm staying. You can insult me, and yell at me, I can take it, but I'm not leaving. I did a bad thing to them, and I want to make up for it."

"You did a **_rotten_** thing to them," Patty declared.

"I know," Meg replied softly.

"I missed you," she admitted.

"I missed you, too," Meg replied, "I missed arguing with you."

"Just don't mess things up this time," Patty declared walking off. She sighed fixing her clothes and turned walking downstairs as Helen prepared breakfast. Helen looked over by Meg with a fond smile as she gave a smirk fixing her clothes. "You look very nice," she declared. It was as if nothing had changed, or at least that's what Helen preferred to think of it as.

"You're not eating breakfast?" Helen asked as Jack made a rush to the door.

"Nope," he replied, "I have to give the car back to JJ."

"Can I go with you?" asked Meg.

"Why?" asked Helen.

"I have to run a few errands," she replied, "You can come with me if you're not sure. I just have to catch up with a few people." Jack thought for a second, "Okay," he replied, "But I come with you."

"Deal," she replied walking out behind him.

"Look after her," Helen whispered holding Jack's arm. He gave a nod as he walked out behind Meg to the car.

"Where do you want to go?" asked Jack.

"I want to see Roxanne," she explained.

"Roxanne?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll only be twenty minutes," she assured him, "Please?"

"No funny business," he warned.

"I promise," she replied with a half smirk.

"Okay," he replied, as they got in to the car. He started up the motor as she sat beside him, "Meg," Jack said, "I have some bad news about Roxanne."

"What?" Meg asked with wide eyes, "She's okay… right?"

"She's fine," Jack replied, "But it's… about her mother."

"Her mother?" Meg asked, "What about her?"

"She died," he replied.

"What?" Meg asked surprised, "Wha—how?"

"It was a heart attack," Jack explained, "She was working on the apartment and dropped from what Roxanne told me. She died instantly."

"What about Roxanne?" she asked with a quiver.

"She's still living with Luke," he explained, "But she was pretty broken up about it. When you left we… kept in touch with her."

"Oh, god," she said with a sigh, "It's all my fault."

"How is it your fault?" Jack asked, "You didn't cause it."

"I should have been here," she replied, "God, I should have been here." Jack didn't respond to her, but kept driving on as Meg sunk down in her seat with a sad heavy sigh. "She's never going to forgive me," Meg said.

"Well, it's worth a try," replied Jack.

"I hope you can forgive me someday," Meg declared.

"I'll try, kiddo," Jack assured her, "It's not an easy thing."

"I know," she replied, "I don't blame you. I mean not loving me for what I did--"

"—Whoa, I never said I didn't love you," Jack argued, "I'll never stop loving either of you. But you have to understand that sometimes the things you do have an effect on others that just isn't easily forgivable sometimes. Now, I may not be able to forgive you just yet, but I still love you."

"I love you, too," she replied, "I'm so sorry for what I did."

"I know you are," Jack replied with a nod.

"Do I really look different?" asked Meg.

"What do you mean?" asked Jack.

"JJ told me I look different," Meg replied, "Do you think I do?"

"I don't think he meant literally," Jack declared.

"You think we have time to stop by Luke's place?" she asked.

"Yeah," Jack replied looking at his watch, "We have a good half hour." They stopped in front of Luke's building looking over by the doorway of the hall and Meg was frozen in her seat.

"Get a move on," Jack suggested.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Meg groaned.

"You have to face her some time," Jack declared, "Now is as good a time as any." She sighed getting out from the car and walked in to the lobby and began her way up the steps and stopped at the foot as Roxanne was coming down with a bag in her hand. They stopped in their tracks with a surprised gleam, but instantly Roxanne turned away with a sigh. "Meg," Roxanne said coldly.

"You knew I was coming?" she asked.

"Not really," she replied, "I saw your brother's car downstairs. How long are you in town for?"

"For good," she scoffed, "My trip didn't really work out."

"Oh," she replied turning back.

"You're mad at me," Meg said following her up the stairs.

"No," Roxanne replied coldly, "Go home, Meg."

"Wait, Roxanne," Meg pleaded, "I'm trying to make up for what I did."

"And how are you going to do that, exactly?" Roxanne scoffed.

"By apologizing," she explained, "I know I should have been here for you."

"Yes, you should have," Roxanne argued.

"But I'm here, now," she insisted.

"Good for you," she replied walking up the steps.

"What do you want from me, I'm trying to apologize and you won't let me," Meg declared. "Well, why is that?" Roxanne asked, "I was here for you all the time and you abandoned me, you abandoned everyone. And my mom is dead and I really needed you and you didn't even care enough about me to call me and talk to me?"

"I slipped up, but I regret it, okay?" she explained, "Please don't lock me out."

"You were gone for nearly two years," Roxanne declared, "You didn't even call me when you were on the road. When I left I called you as much as I could, but you didn't even call me."

"I know," Meg replied, "I have no excuse, but I'm sorry for what I did… I am."

"No you're not," Roxanne replied near tears, "You're not sorry, you're just guilty. And selfish. You didn't even send me a letter. God, Meg. Just go home." She nodded and stormed off as Meg stood at the steps with a whimper, "Roxanne, please…!" A door slammed in the distance. Meg wiped the tears from her eyes and turned walking back down the steps. It was truly a shattering thing for her that Roxanne had all but left her side, and as she walked down the steps and out the building, she couldn't help wonder if her attempts to seal things up were in vain.

Roxanne stood by the door in their apartment listening to the silence and began to cry as Luke walked over curiously. Jack leaned over by the door and opened it as Meg slowly walked over looking back hesitantly and climbed inside closing the door.

"Didn't go too well, eh?" Jack deduced.

"No," Meg replied with a whimper, "She wouldn't even talk to me."

"I know," Jack sighed.

"I think that's it for us," Meg declared.

"I doubt it," Jack assured her, "She's mad. You have to give her time, kiddo. She'll come around eventually."

"What if she doesn't?" asked Meg.

"I don't know," Jack shrugged hesitantly, "It'll be okay." Jack drove up on the street past the cars. Meg slumped down in her seat wiping her tears.

"She seemed sorry," Luke declared.

"She's not," Roxanne argued.

"How do you know that?" he asked, "She wouldn't have been begging you if she wasn't really sorry."

"I don't care," Roxanne proclaimed, "She deserves to be sad for a little while. Let her see how it feels."

"You don't really believe that," Luke replied, "You want to make up with her as much as she does, or else you wouldn't still be standing by the door." She gave a soft sigh looking away from him, "Just hear her out," Luke asked, "I know you don't want to end such a long friendship."

"I think the mistakes I made are just unforgivable as this point," Meg muttered sitting in the car.

"For some," JJ replied.

"Will forgave me," Meg said with a hint of a smile.

"He doesn't hold a grudge that's for sure," JJ scoffed.

Meg and JJ sat in his car which was parked outside his house that morning. JJ had called in sick from work that day as he walked out in the driveway looking at Meg who sat in the car lower than he'd ever seen her.

"I'm always going to love you," JJ said, "But there are just some things--"

"—I know," she replied, "I would have."

"Would have what?" he asked.

"When you asked me if Chris hadn't died if I would have ever come back… and I would have," she declared.

"Really?" he asked.

"I wasn't happy there," she admitted, "Not a single day." He gave a sigh leaning back patting the wheel. "I have to go in for lunch, you coming?" he asked.

"Can I sit and think for a few more minutes?" she asked.

"Sure," he replied, "Just close the door when you leave."

She was no longer apart of the family, regardless of how much she tried, or would try. She felt it an uphill battle that afternoon as JJ went in to the house and they all sat down for lunch. She could see her father in with them talking and going on, and she felt just as she was: looking from the outside in. And she knew that's how it would be from there on in. Looking from the outside in, they would all look at her differently, they would all give a look at her sight, and they would all eventually talk. Those nights in Minnesota, those cold nights of uncertainty she spent with Chris doing nothing but thinking about her family were torturous and she was at a crossroads when she arrived. Stay in the place where her future was uncertain or go back home where she wouldn't be accepted? She couldn't walk away, she refused to. As she turned on the car radio to "He's So Fine", turning it up, she thought about the road that lay ahead for her.

That night at dinner was one of the longest dinners of her life, unable to eat as she sat among the chatter and hustle and bustle. She was surprised that life had just gone on without her, and she knew she'd missed so much in such a short period of time. You couldn't go home again. It was a lesson she'd been taught by JJ, and it was something she'd learned now. It was saddening to comprehend. That afternoon she'd bumped in to Sam at the store, and they'd given their requisite greetings to one another, and she'd been given the awakening that Sam had moved on as well. Now going on to his senior year, now with a girlfriend, now with a cousin who'd just gone off to war. Though he was as affectionate and welcoming as he always was when they were friends, he was still the different person she'd hoped he wasn't.

"Do you ever… think about us?" Meg braved asking him that day.

"Us?" he asked.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we'd had gone together?" she asked. He gave a furrow of his brow and sighed, "I did," he replied, "For nights I did… but when you left with Chris, it felt like time to keep going on." He'd forgiven her as he left the store that day for school, and promised to keep in touch, but there was that brief glance as he left the store, that lingering last stare as he left her that day.

"You didn't eat," Helen observed as everyone left the table.

"I wasn't hungry," Meg replied with a half smile.

"Want to talk?" she asked.

"No," Meg shrugged, "It's just complicated."

"It always is," Helen replied.

"It's just so hard," Meg replied, "I don't think I'll ever be able to fix things."

"Look, honey," Helen said sitting next to her, "I can't tell you things will be okay, because you're not a little girl anymore, but if you really want to fix things, you have to keep at it until you're there."

"I wish it was easier," she scoffed.

"So do I," Helen replied.

"You're still mad at me," she deduced.

"I'm more hurt than mad," Helen explained, "Things can't go back to the way they were, because they're not the same."

"I'm so sorry," Meg declared, "I don't see how you can even talk to me."

"I'm your mother," Helen scoffed, "You'll see someday. You can be mad at your children, but it's hard to stop loving them."

"You still love me?" she asked as tears ran down her eyes.

"I never stopped," she declared, "I don't know if I can forgive you, but I'm going to try. If you're willing to keep trying to make things better, then I'll try to forgive you someday."

"I promise," Meg assured her, "I'm not leaving this time, mom."

"We'll keep working at it, then," Helen assured her kissing and hugging her. She leaned back and looked by the window, "You have a visitor." She sat up and looked by the window as Roxanne came walking down the street.

"Can I go talk to her?" Meg asked quickly standing up.

"Go ahead," Helen scoffed. She rushed through the kitchen and stepped outside meeting Roxanne halfway. She gave a smile as Meg approached her and they stood across from one another.

"Hi," she said meekly.

"I'm glad you're here," Meg boasted.

"Luke convinced me to come and talk to you," Roxanne replied.

"Roxanne I never meant to hurt you," Meg declared, "I was just—confused. The first week I was there all I could think about you and everyone else. I was just so lonely and sad. I was there for so long and I wasn't happy once. If I could take it all back, I would."

"You can't."

"I know," Meg replied, "But I'm not going to stop being your friend even if you stop being mine."

"Promise?" Roxanne smiled. Meg scoffed.

"I love you," Meg replied.

"I love you, too," Roxanne replied, "But I'm still mad at you."

"I know," Meg scoffed.

"You're staying?" she asked.

"Yeah," Meg assured her, "Forever." They hugged one another tight that night. Helen could see them through the window giving a smile as she continued cleaning up. Though the progress was small and brief, Meg took comfort in the fact that she was making baby steps in patching things up with the people she loved.

She kept her promise to everyone she was with from that day on. She never left, she never turned her back on them, and that summer she spent every day working on everyone and attempting to make the wrong things right once for all, and re-connecting with the people she distanced herself from...


	4. Requiem

** REQUIEM**

Well Diary,

I was rummaging through the basement this afternoon and found this old diary that I never completed, and I thought I'd finish it before I put it back one last time. This will be my last entry in this book, because lately I just don't have the time to stop and write, so here goes:

I wish I could tell you it was easier after that day, but I can't. It became much harder, sometimes too hard to live with. Mom and dad took me back in and we decided to spend the rest of our lives working at the relationship. Not a day went by I didn't apologize. We'd talk, and remember, and occasionally get in to heated arguments that would inevitably die down, but it was hard to make sense of it. I wouldn't talk back much because I knew it was my fault. Every time we'd talk I'd just say "I'm sorry". My mom and dad regretted dis-owning me, and I never resented them for it, because I understood.

As for every one else, it was harder with them. My mom and dad were incredibly difficult to cope with for the first year, but they eventually went back to their normal routines. For my friends and family it wasn't as easy. It took a whole year before JJ could hug me again, and it was a hard year to suffer through, but it took nearly a year for my dad to be able to look me in the eyes again. But, it's not planned when everything goes back to normal, you know? You strive to make everything seem right again and then one day it just happens all on its own. I realized I was making progress when we sat to dinner one day and Patty and I began arguing, and my dad had to stop us. It was just like when we were children, and that's when a sense of relief fell over me.

My dad continued working with Mr. Walker for years in the family store and Mr. Walker earned a modest living as co-manager and salesman. After Nathan was killed in the war, he began working harder for his children saving a modest fortune until his death in 1970 after a head on collision with a drunk driver. We were shaken by his death, but Sam went on, because, he said "We have to". I still write to Sam every month or so. We write to each other for pages and pages about what's happening in our lives. I smile so much some times when I read his letter and I see the NASA letterhead at top.

As you can imagine, he got his wish after college, and worked in NASA as an astronaut in training and gained a respectable career as a technician in his field. It wasn't an easy road, especially with the civil rights movement, but he survived. Was there ever a doubt? The Walkers are survivors, and we respect the hell out of them. He is now married, and his sister Angela lives with them attending school. He's happy, and I'm very happy for him, he loves to gloat about progress in his work, and I love to read about it.

Roxanne eventually started talking to me again after we made up, and we became closer than ever until she left. We were so happy when she finished school, and we were even happier when she married Luke two years later. We had the wedding at our house, and my dad, always the protector, walked her down the aisle to a small ceremony of her friends and our family. It was beautiful and she couldn't have been happier. Four years after I returned we renewed our friendship and we made up for lost time; and we didn't miss a beat when we started talking again. Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want, and Roxanne is living proof. She's now a hairdresser in California. She has a busy career, occasionally doing hair for "American Bandstand". But, she moved on when the show ended, and it was sad. I hate when things end, but the memory still lives on.

Luke was very happy when she quit smoking later on, and they still argue all the time; mostly about their tastes in music. Roxanne still loves pop and Luke is all about the folk music, but there's so much love between them, he gives her what she couldn't get when she was a child. She's such a great mother, too. I mean sure, she makes mistakes, who doesn't, but when people ask, I tell them she's a great mother to her son. She's a natural. Her son is going to do some good in the world, I can feel it. He's bold like Roxie, and enthusiastic like Luke. We talk nearly every day on the phone and we go on for hours on end, and we meet every couple of months to have lunch. We never stop talking.

My mom learned to forgive me, as I'd prayed she would. Prayers aren't always answered, so I considered myself very lucky. One day while I was watching television, she sat next to me and gave me a hug, and we sat there, embracing for an hour. She didn't have to tell me what she was thinking, but I knew what the hug was for, and it was the best gift I've ever received. Mom felt she had to work on the family and spent many years bringing us together as much as she could. After I left, she felt the family wasn't as close as she'd thought and did everything possible to bring us closer. And she continued her work as a travel agent, until her death 1980 after a short bout with lung cancer. It really brought the family to our knees, but before she died she admitted she had no regrets. And that set us at ease, in a way.

After, what seemed like an eternity, my dad finally was able to respect and trust me again. He was still very protective of me once we bonded again. Being the businessman in the family, he eventually expanded his line of electronics beyond televisions and attempted to create a franchise, nearly losing the business to financial woes and nearly sold the store, but we rooted him on, and he held on to it, later being able to recover. He managed to maintain a solid relationship with us even after mom's death, and he continued working until his sudden death in 1985 from a heart attack. Uncle Pete was never really himself again once dad died, and he always says it was as if a part of him went with him. But we include him in the family matters as much as we can.

Will eventually went to high school, still adamant in his love for sports and, even after dad died, he was still the optimist. Though JJ wasn't interested, Will later inherited the Pryor store after dad's death, and with everyone's surprise, did an excellent job carrying dad's legacy on. It's now called "Pryor-Walker Electronics", and even though Sam sold his half of the store when he left, we kept the name up out of respect. It's the best kind of memorial for such a good man. Will expanded the store to three chains, and is making a modest living. He still lives in Philadelphia, you couldn't get him out of there if you tried, and is married now raising his daughter. He still has a slight limp, but it's hardly noticeable, and in spite of the obstacles in his life, he's still positive, and he's given that to his daughter who never stops smiling.

Patty was more intent on breaking out from Philadelphia and worked hard. She was granted a full scholarship to Berkeley, where she graduated in the top ten percentile of her class. We were all so thrilled when we found out, and she went on with her career as she always does. Her hard work paid off as she is now a defense attorney in New York. She's married now and is contemplating her very first child. God, we still argue incessantly whenever we get together, and she still corrects me when we talk. JJ has to break us up eventually, but that's just our way.

And JJ, there was really no doubt about him. He moved away after dad died, and went to work close to his job. It was sad when he left, but we all knew it was for the best. He still works at NASA full time, working his way up and helped revolutionize space travel alongside his peers. And, as luck would have it, is now working side by side with Sam on a project. He and Beth are still married and still very much in love, and live near the base where they're raising John and their daughter Helen who, by the way, is beginning high school soon.

As for Beth, she eventually forgave me, and we got together one day and made up. After mom and dad died, she didn't want to leave any issues unresolved, so we made up before it was too late. It's a good thing we did, we're best friends. She keeps in very close contact with me. I don't resent her for the way she treated me, the whole family had a bone to pick once I returned. JJ became very involved in his field of study and later earned a commendation for his service in the military and continues working in the field. He keeps a picture of mom and dad hanging in the living room.

And as for me? Well, it was a hard uphill battle that sometimes made me want to quit, but mom, dad, JJ, and everyone else wouldn't let me, no matter how tough it got, and it became a test every day of my life. I was lucky and eventually re-gained the relationship with my family patching things up with everyone and attempting to make up for my mistakes. I finished school and now am finishing up my Graduate degree, and I work as a counselor helping children like me who are going down, or have been down the same path as me. Will taught me to take a negative and use it for my advantage, and I did. Yes, I still live in Philadelphia, because, I could never bring myself to get up and leave. This place is too special to me.

It's where I grew up. I'm just one of the many people here living their life and trying to get by. I help bring money to the house through the stores which I co-own with Will, keeping the family business, dad's legacy, alive, and I meet constantly with Will who lives a short while away to discuss business and commute. I'm still there in the city, but you just have to look for me. I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life, marrying a teacher out of college, and we now have three beautiful children of our own. Sometimes, when we sit down to dinner at night, they often remind me of us when we'd sit at the table.

I keep in very close contact with all my nieces and nephews, making sure they don't steer off the path. I don't mind sharing my stories with people if they're willing to listen, but my husband hates to hear them because, he just hates to see anyone stare at me in a negative light. That's one of the things I love about him. I'm still very active in politics as a staunch activist, but I'm still in love with music. I still dance a lot, sometimes too much. I like today's pop music, but, god, nothing beats "Downtown" from Petula Clark. My youngest is starting to take a liking to it. I'm teaching her well, and they all get so excited when I talk about going to Woodstock.

Every so often at night, on my way home, if I have time, I drive in the front of where we used to live and think back. The neighborhood is so different now, but somehow things have stayed the same, like that old saying goes. I get sad when I think about Chris, and Jimmy, and Michael, but then I always come back down to Earth once I look at my children, my husband and everything I've managed to accomplish over the years. Not many people can ruin what they had, and be able to re-build it back to its original form, but I'm so lucky I was able to.

Every year we all gather back in Philadelphia for family reunions, including Roxanne, and Sam's family. We also gather for Christmas, Thanksgiving, and occasionally New Years Eve, and we celebrate the past, present, and inevitable futures. We talk about past loves, our many regrets and remember the people who brought us love. We still argue, and fight, but in the end we always stop to celebrate and bond with one another as family, through and through. Though our distance separates us, our love keeps us close by where we return to celebrate life in our home town where we strived for our dreams.

I hear the kids arguing now, and my husband is calling, so I'll just end it here. If I'm not around, this house just goes completely nuts; I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It was fun writing in this and reading the old entries, again. I love memories and I'll keep you in mine. It's hard moving on once something is taken from you, but, as I learned from my family and friends, you just have to. People die, people leave, but whether you want to or not, life goes on, but I learned that the good in life isn't all lost as long as you keep the memories alive, and many times the memories are all you need. So, I'll just take you and put you back in the box, and on the next spring cleaning day, I promise I'll come to read you, and perhaps add another entry some day.

So, to you, I say, good-bye and good night. Wait till I tell Roxanne.

**AMERICAN DREAMS**

**2002-05**


End file.
